The Computer Wore Menace Shoes

Whenever He comes back, would you really not vote for Him?

Dear Texas State Board of Education,

Allow me to open with a phrase that will grab your attention. What in God’s name are you doing?

America gets it. Texas is a conservative state by all measures. But this enduring battle to make Christianity the focal point of your public education system has got to stop.

Obviously, you’re not sold on that whole freedom of religion thing guaranteed in the First Amendment; otherwise, this would be a nonissue by now. Instead, thanks to the doings of one man and his cronies and the business-first model of textbook publishing, the rest of the nation can only sit on the sidelines while your pending curricular decisions threaten to change public education content for 95 percent of American school children.

And for what? So the next generation of leaders takes office with the “great truth” in mind? So “The Star-Spangled Banner” can be replaced by the Rich Mullins power-anthem “Awesome God“? So we might finally get President Pat Robertson?

While the fundamentalist Christian America may sound like a paradise for you, nations founded on or led by people with such views generally don’t work out. Consider, if you will, basically the entire Middle East.

Iran: Islamic fundamentalist leaders, terrible place to live if you enjoy any sort of freedoms, despised by the rest of the world. Afghanistan: Islamic fundamentalist militia network wields vast influence, terrible place to live, hates the rest of the world. I could go on, but I imagine you get the picture already.

“But wait!” you say? “Those aren’t Christian nations! Of course it went horribly wrong there!” I was hoping not to have to bring this up, but consider the United States from 2001-2009.

George W. Bush, who believed God told him to do things, presided over some of the most insane events in American history. Suspend personal liberties? Check. Approve torture sessions? Check. Invade another nation on a whim? Emphatic check.

And if none of that persuades you to change course, think about what the legacy of invoking Christian fundamentalism has done throughout history. If you’re going to point out Christopher Columbus’ and the first settlers’ religious bases for coming to North America, you’re also going to have to explain how it led to the violent exploitation of native peoples, including rape, the spread of disease, genocide and usurping their land. Was that part of God’s mission for them?

There are also other things that are a part of the United States’ relatively brief history that were given God’s seal of approval at one time, such as segregation. As America somewhat learned from that, it isn’t safe to trust decisions of social impact to people who are interpreting religion, because often it is for personal comfort or gain.

Maybe it’s just the my preference for fair, effective government talking, but not every decision can be made by considering divine will. Unless Texas has been serious about this whole secession thing, it’d be great if you would allow religion in school curriculum only to the point it is appropriate and relevant.

At some point in time, somebody at Heritage Christian School in Findlay, Ohio, decided not enough was being done to crush the students’ spirits while they were at school. To make up for the administration’s shortcomings in that regard, a brilliant idea was hatched: the school would suspend students for doing things it found – ugh – ungodly, even if it was done after school hours and away from school.

Hence the threatened suspension of 17-year-old Tyler Frost if he took his girlfriend to her public school prom. Principal Tim England told the Associated Press Frost would be expelled if Frost is involved with alcohol or sex.

Frost signed a statement of cooperation – not available online – at the beginning of the year. I assume this means Frost agreed not to do things the school found – ugh – ungodly while he was a student, such as dancing, showing affection, listening to rock music (which I hope just means music that wouldn’t be played in church) or lingering when washing his genitals.

But as England explains in a statement on the school’s Web site, there are principles behind the decision. Principles like avoiding the temptation of attending an event where “young ladies will have low cut dresses and be dancing in them.” Oh, the humanity! The humanity fundamentalist Christians try to avoid like the plague.

Perhaps the problem here is that somewhere along the way, a lot of Christians got confused and decided dancing so evil you may as well just strip down and give it to your dance partner in front of everyone.

Randy Blackaby says the Bible says dancing is OK if it produces “no illicit thoughts or behavior.” What kind of dancing is acceptable? “Celebration dances that don’t mix the sexes, husbands and wives dancing privately, and innocent children’s dances (for example, holding hands and dancing in a circle),” are fine. If you want to dance with your spouse, do it in the privacy of your own home.

According to the Interactive Bible, “the fruit of the modern dance has never increased purity and spirituality, but the destruction of all that relates to human happiness and eternal salvation.” And by modern dancing, it means pretty much everything. The people behind this must lose it during every commercial for “Dancing With The Stars” comes on.

The most reasonable advice I came across for what the Bible says about dancing is from Tim O’Hearn, who runs the “Minutes With Messiah” Web site. Not only does he not think all modern dancing is evil, lustful business, but he also says go ahead and do it if it won’t cause a conflict with your beliefs.

Whichever expert you choose to believe or belittle, Frost doesn’t have a lot of help. He had to get England’s signature to go to the prom because Findlay High School requires it. He “expected a short lecture about making the right decisions and not doing something stupid.” Instead, he’s facing suspension and may not be allowed to attend graduation.

Stephan Johnson, Frost’s stepfather, has the right idea. He thinks school rules shouldn’t apply outside the classroom.

Amen, Stephan. Amen. Statement of cooperation or not, I don’t see why England feels the school has a right to enforce its rules while Frost is away from school. There aren’t any other school rules that can be enforced after school. The principal can’t show up at your house at 10 a.m. on Saturday and give you detention for being tardy. Your teacher can’t stop you in the grocery store and write you up for running in the halls.

And why do so many Christians forget What Would Jesus Do? Jesus hung out with the worst people out in society in his day. I’m sure he wasn’t freaking with girls or rocking out to Nickelback – then again, nobody would do that – but he was there.

Update: Frost went to prom with his girlfriend, Rebecca Smooty, Saturday night, and was promptly suspended. Officials said he may complete his final exams separately to recieve a diploma.